My world changed 82 days, 2 hours and 31 minutes ago. On October 28th at 7:31 in the evening my son was placed on my chest for the first time. He was just seconds old but immediately I was totally in love with him. I remember the proud look on my husband's face, the wails of Joey's first moments on earth, the first time he opened his eyes and looked at me; those first moments were so special. It was hard to believe that 9 months before I hadn't wanted him. This blog is going to be a brutally honest one so I might as well start the honesty here. Joey was not planned, he was as one might say an accident. I had been on the pill and we were thinking of trying to start a family in 2 or 3 years when we had finished school and were in a more stable financial situation. When my period was late last March (for those doing the math I'll explain that in a bit) I was terrified. I bought a test, a digital one because as nervous as I was I didn't want to have to figure out those silly lines, took it and sat there too scared to look at it; when I finally did I nearly fell off the toilet when I read the word "pregnant". I spent the next few hours in bed, my mind was racing trying to figure out what to do. We weren't ready, I wasn't done with school, my husband didn't even have a job, and I was hoping for a few more good years of partying. I went through all the possibilities, even abortion. I freaked out for a good week straight, all the while my husband was out of town during army stuff (he is in the national guard but more on that another time). Finally I got up the guts to tell him, he being the calm, rational, optimistic one immediately saw the good in having a kid and with in a few minutes his excitement was infecting me. And off we went on this grand adventure of parenthood.
As the dust settled and I adjusted to the idea of being pregnant I began to wonder just how pregnant I was. Within a couple weeks of finding out suddenly none of my pants were fitting. This wasn't normal for only being 6 weeks along. I also began to wonder how the pill had failed. I had missed a couple pills in January but had a period (or so I thought) and I had taken it religiously after that. So when I finally got in to see the doctor I told them that I thought my last period was in the end of February but I wasn't sure. They decided to send me for an ultrasound to date the pregnancy. Looking at the screen and seeing this little thing that was growing inside of me was amazing. I think that was truly the moment when I started to get excited about being pregnant. The images blew me away, so did what the tech told me. I was 13 weeks pregnant. Suddenly I was 6 weeks further along than the doctor initially told me. My mind immediately went to those night in February where I drank and smoked a little more than I should have. (I quit smoking in January but still had the occasional smoke on a stressful day or when I was drinking up until I found out I was pregnant.) It took me a long time to come to grips with that. Finally I did realize that there was nothing I could do to change the past only make sure that I did everything I could for this baby now. (Before I go any further, our child thank God, shows no effects of any of this, he is a wonderful little boy who, so far, is well ahead on all of his milestones.)
The rest if my second trimester sailed by. I enjoyed my summer and loved when I started getting a noticeable baby bump. Suddenly I was entering my 3rd trimester. Here is where I started to abhoar being pregnant. I developed Pregnancy Induced Hypertension (PIH). I ended up having to bargain with my doctor to keep working and stay off partial bed rest. This meant that I could go to work but when I came home I had to do as little as possible. I ended up having to take medication for my blood pressure that make me feel rather out of it. I was huge, I felt useless and I was ready to be done. I was lucky though, my PIH never developed into full blown pre-eclampsia. All this led to 27th of October. I went into the hospital that night to be induced, with my PIH they didn't what me going past my due date of November 1st. The next day my son was born and my world changed, and definitely for the better.
Now you know all about my past. OK not all, but all that is relevant for now. Next time I will update you on my life since Joey's birth and all the beauty I have found in my expected motherhood.
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